March 22, 2007

Burnt out or depressed?

Usually, this time of year, I am keyed up and excited about Spring. I can't wait to do yard work and plan some project. This year I am just plain depressed! I don't know if it is job burnout or a combination of things.

I have been doing weekend call for a hospice for about seven months or a little more now. I only work two days and have five days off, but I am pulled in five or six different directions at one time and constantly dealing with crisis, stress, and death. Prior to that I was working doing a case load during the week for hospice for about a year and a half.

Is it time for a change or just some time off? I love my job and it is my comfort zone since I have been doing it since I graduated. I feel like I am doing something good and am helping people.

Should I just bite the bullet and go get some hospital experience no matter how badly I may hate it? Should I stick this out and see if I can get over the burnout? Any suggestions?

Posted by Barbara at 06:53 PM | Comments (0)

January 01, 2007

New Years Resolutions

Okay, I usually don't set New Year's resolutions, but this year I think I will. I make a list of things to do every day and it makes me work harder to get everything accomplished. If at the end of the day, something didn't get done, I move it to the next day's list. It works pretty well except for 'clean out the car' and 'mate the socks.' Those continuously get pushed from one day to the next. :o)
My goal this year is to set resolutions and set time limits. I am going to do what I can to accomplish them this year to try to have a much better year.
My first goal is to get our finances under control. I gave the bills to the better half while I was in nursing school and he is too wrapped up to keep up so I have taken them back over. I am setting goals for bills to be paid off by the month to get us in better shape.
My second goal is to get my son straightened him pass the GED, get him into technical college, and get his medicines straightened out.
My third goal is to get the house back in order. Between nursing school and overtime, I have let things go and plan to make major repairs.
My fourth goal is to make money with my second job and earn my Mom that new car. (New mustang to be exact..she needs a new car.)
I plan to lose at least ten more pounds and be closer to my husband.
Those are my resolutions. :o)

Posted by Barbara at 09:21 PM | Comments (0)

December 14, 2006


When I grew up, I was exposed to a few different churches. We attended Baptist, Nazarene, and Church of God. They were all so different and yet the same in many ways. Since being married to my husband, I have been exposed to Lutheran, Methodist, Church of Crist, and Unitarian.

I currently attend the Church of God and my husband attends the Unitarian Universalist. I classify myself as Christian and he classifies himself as atheist. Amazingly, we coexist peacefully with less problems than many couples of the same faith. Barring a couple of really big bumps in the road during our marriage, we have a wonderful relationship.

It has been brought to my attention that many people that have never been exposed to a pentacostal church...or only visited a time or two....have very dim views of us. Of course, there are always the eccentric crazies that make the news that give any particular group a dim light. However, I have been very shocked to find out that the views that many people hold of "fundies" (as they so fondly call us) are very different than what we really are. They see us as insensitive and very dimwitted. Though I have to admit that many pentacostals see them as evil and being influenced by the devil.

Being in the situation that I am in, I have to think and rethink things a lot. I constantly find myself wondering what it is all about. I find that there are great people and really nutty people in all of the places I have been. I came to a conclusion a long time ago that there is not just one religion that has it all figured out or that one religion will make it to heaven. But what about the people that don't believe in God or believe that He has left us to our own devices to figure things out on our own? What if they are good people?

Continue reading "Cult?"
Posted by Barbara at 10:24 PM | Comments (5967)

December 06, 2006

Happy Christmas Story?

I have a patient that has been on service for awhile now. He is 92? years old and lost track of his children. A family had come in to his life and endeared him and he made them his POA. The family alienated his family, took him for everything he had, dumped in a nursing home, and revoked their POA. By this time, his children had given up on trying to see him due to the fact that they thought that he had disowned them for his new family. He didn't know that his family had tried to keep in touch with him only to be turned away by that family.

His request from day one was that we find his sons. We had searched for them through the American Red Cross, local directories, called information for all local cities, etc. We couldn't find them. He was about to give up hope and was not doing very well, then one day....our social worker found his son's phone numbers through some funeral arrangements when she was trying to make sure that he had everything that he needed done, taken care of.

We called one son and he didn't want to have anything to do with him. We were at a standstill and the patient started doing poorly again. I decided to try again. I wrote letters for him as he dictated then called the son for addresses. He was clearly not thrilled, but gave me addresses for both sons and included my phone numbers. One day while I was out for surgery, I got a phone call from the other son. He was so excited to hear from his father and know where he was and that he was still alive.

Once we began to talk about what landed him where he was and their seperation, he was so tearful. He was so upset that his father was taken like he was but so glad that he had a chance at a relationship before he passes. He and his daughters started sending cards and pictures. He began to perk up and do better. Then his family announced a visit. They will be visiting him soon and all are so excited to be reunited. They are seperated by many miles, but will see each other again.

I am so excited and will be present for the reunion. I can hardly wait. It will be one of my best Christmas presents.

Posted by Barbara at 10:52 PM

If You Could See What I See

If you could see what see
from new home,
you'd never ever ask me back
to face what I have known.

I see a lot of people
who are fighting over space
on land that God has loaned to us,
as a token of His grace.

They hurt the little children who
were sent to bless their life,
and a big, strong, handsome husband
turns anger on his wife.

I see people stealing hope and peace
from helpless passers-by,
while hatred rages all around,
cold hearts not not knowing why.

There's trouble and confusion;
weak and weary tossed around
by blows of mental anguish,
where no reason can be found.

Continue reading "If You Could See What I See"
Posted by Barbara at 10:25 PM | Comments (21468)